If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
