Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize