I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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