You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
