Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
