dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
