i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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