um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
