That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
