im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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