I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
