If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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