Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
