make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
