OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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