Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
