I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize