There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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