5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
