they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
