i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
