Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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