You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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