She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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