I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
