OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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