Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I am mentally ready for anal.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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