I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We left an ass print on the piano.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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