My room smells like vodka and shame
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
