I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
