the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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