Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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