2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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