Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
