omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize