I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
