i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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