Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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