Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
