his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize