I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
