My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
