Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
