Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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