i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
