I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
