i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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