i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
