if you like me you must not know who I am
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
