Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
