I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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