i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
