you mean i was at the winter classic?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
