and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
