mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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