if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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