His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
