Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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