So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
