He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
