Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
