you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
