I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
