I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
