i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize