There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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