it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
