what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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