bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
