im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
