TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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