I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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