There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You took a bar mat shot.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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