Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
