just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
