You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
