mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
