WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
