Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
