Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize