Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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