A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
