We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
