I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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