Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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