You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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