No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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