So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize