You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
