four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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