my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
