God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize