this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
