Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Even my vagina gasped.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Randomize
