Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize